Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
