we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
