Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
