The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Randomize
