I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
