They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
