Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
