If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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