Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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