So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
