I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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