I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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