I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
