Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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