I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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