his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
