gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
