Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
