K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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