then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize
