I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
