My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
