went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
