They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
