Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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