I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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