I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
