I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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