Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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