I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
