I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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