I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Welp...herpes.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
