I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
