God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
