Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
