It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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