i don't like sucking hair
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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