He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
