How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
