sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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