just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
