Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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