In the future we'll all be gay
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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