dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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