It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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