whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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