I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
