FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
