And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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