she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
