I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
